i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
