Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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