yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
