i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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