how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Randomize
