I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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