I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
