her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you told grandpa to call you daddy
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
