I love black thongs
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just had sex on a roof
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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