I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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