why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
