no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
