I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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