So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
