Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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