i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
