Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
