And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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