my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
