I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
