so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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