I want to stick my p in your. b.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you win again, gameday.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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