i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
