Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
