Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
