Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
