Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
