My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
