Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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