the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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