Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
