There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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