Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
