Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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