my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I want to make a zoo with you.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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