I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
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