Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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