Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
