If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
