Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm too high and old for this...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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