1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
