I cannot find my penis.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
