dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
