just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
