You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
