You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
