Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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