There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
