So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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