I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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