Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
