i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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