Christians are straight up FREAKS
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
