My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
