dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Did I show you my penis last night?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
